Dear IML,
I have a big fear that my first period will come at a real bad time. I don't want to go say to a teacher, 'IT happened,' and I don't want it to happen in the shower. Are these fears okay? What can I do to prevent those kinds of things from happening?
--Meg, 11

Dear Meg,
I can understand feeling anxious about your first period, but there is really nothing to be afraid of. You can't control when it will happen and there really is no ideal time, so the best thing to do is be prepared. Carry supplies in your purse or backpack, and try to relax. Even when it does happen, you probably won't realize it at first. It's not like anyone will notice as soon as it starts, and youll probably have time to find supplies even if you're stuck at school or something. If you have any questions about it, you should get them answered before your first period. That way you won't feel rushed into talking about it the day it happens and may be more comfortable with it. It's scary at first, but soon it will be just another part of your life! Also, remember that in the future, youll be able to figure out how many days your cycle is and know approximately when your period is coming each month.
--Megan, IML Mentor

Hey Meg!
Your fears are perfectly okay and absolutely normal! I don't think I've ever met a girl who wasn't worried about getting her period at a bad time. While you can't decide when it comes, you CAN be ready for it. Bring an emergency bag with you when you go to school or sleepovers and have one at home. Put a maxi-pad, extra pair of underwear, and anything you think you'll need in a bag in one of your backpack pockets. You might want to use a cloth bag or makeup bag so you won't have to worry about anyone seeing if it ever fell out. Luckily, when your period comes for the first time, it usually isn't very much so you'll notice before anyone else. If it happens in school, just ask to go to the bathroom and grab your emergency bag on the way out. Good luck!
--Lauren, IML Mentor

Hey Meg!
I am actually glad you are worried about it happening unexpectedly. I laugh about it now, but I got my period at school and I was completely unprepared! Now you can have the gear ready and you wont be caught off guard! It is very important to find out when your momma started, your aunts, and grandmas (if they could remember). That MIGHT give you an idea of when itll happen for you, and you can prepare yourself. In your backpack, have a cute little purse (to disguise its contents) filled with about 5 pads, pantiliners, extra underwear, and a coin purse with a few quarters, dimes and nickels. Warning: Never, ever put toilet paper on your undies! OK? OK! In case of IT coming at the wrong time, you will have all the gear necessary to make an unpleasant inevitability an easy (and tidy) transition.
--Vanessa, IML Mentor

Hi Meg,
Getting your first period can be really nerve wracking. A lot of times girls are scared that they will get stained or that someone else will notice before they do. There really isn't a for sure way to know when you're first period will come, but sometimes, girls experience cramps or intense headaches before their period. If you start to feel these symptoms, you may want to talk to your parents about buying pantiliners. These are very thin pads that you can wear to help prevent staining. You can wear these every day even if you do not have your period, and this may help you feel less nervous. Also, remember that getting your period is a natural part of life. It happens to all girls, so don't feel embarrassed about it. At first it will be weird to talk about it, but as you get older you will realize that its not a big deal and you have nothing to be worried about. Good luck!
--Cyntianna, IML Mentor

Back

Dear IML,
I want to talk about periods with my math teacher. What should I say? Or should I ask one of the female gym teachers?
--Elizabeth, 12

Dear Elizabeth,
Is there a reason you aren't comfortable talking to your mom or another family member? Do you think the adults in your family would be okay with you getting this type of important information at school? If you truly believe the answer is yes, then I think the best person to start with is your school nurse. Make sure there is a time when you can talk to her when nobody will be interrupting you. If youd rather speak to another adult, understand that periods are a topic some people are uncomfortable talking about, so make sure its really someone you trust; for instance, your doctor or a school counselor. If you are uncomfortable talking to anyone, you could also look up the information online or in a book.
--Megan, IML Mentor

Hi Elizabeth,
I understand how important it is to find someone you feel comfortable talking to about periods and other things youll encounter when you enter puberty. Any woman who you like talking to personally and feel comfortable with is a good person to ask -- someone in your school, a family friend, a neighbor. If there is a health teacher or nurse at your school, she might be a good person to start with. Open the conversation by telling her youd like to talk in private about girl problems. This is a kind of code word for periods and other personal things that any woman would understand. If shes willing to talk to you, just state your questions. If there is anything you dont understand about what she says, tell her!! There is really nothing to feel embarrassed about, because every woman had to ask the same questions sometime in their life. Good luck, Elizabeth. =)
--Carren, IML Mentor

Hey Elizabeth!
Talking about periods for the first time can be scary! It's easier and more comfortable if you bring up the topic with a female you trust. If you feel okay talking to your math teacher about it, then go for it. If you'd rather talk to a gym teacher, that's fine too. Remember that teachers aren't the only people who know about periods! The school nurse can tell you a lot, or if your school has a guidance counselor, she could be helpful too. I would suggest setting up a time to talk with your trusted female; approach her when shes not busy and ask if she has any extra time in the next few days to talk to you privately. When you first talk to her, you may be too nervous to remember all the questions you want to ask! To make sure you get to ask everything you want, it might help to write down questions you think of during the week, and then you'll have them right in front of you when you talk. If you're too nervous talking to an adult alone, do it with some of your friends. It's likely that a lot of girls in your grade are worried about periods too. If a group of you got together to talk, you could get answers to questions you never even thought of!
--Lauren, IML Mentor

Hi Elizabeth,
I'm glad you understand that you need to talk to someone about this subject, rather than keep wondering or relying on what you hear from your peers. If you don't have an older female in your family whos comfortable talking about puberty, then yes, you should ask a female health or gym teacher. After class, ask the teacher if she wouldn't mind talking privately about female puberty, and explain to that you have many questions that youre hoping to get some answers on. Another approach is this: ask your school nurse for a pamphlet with information on periods, then once you finish the pamphlet, go back to the nurse for answers on any questions the pamphlet did not answer. I wish you lots of luck!
--Tiffany, IML Mentor

Back

Dear IML,
I'm the thinnest and most "petite" girl in my class. My clothes are size 10 in kids and my shoes are size 3 in girls. I also weigh only about 70 pounds, which is underweight for my age by 10 pounds! I can't shop at the stores a lot of girls my age shop at. I feel so small! Why aren't I growing like the others?
--Sabrina, 11

From Paul Horowitz, MD, FAAP

Hello there Sabrina,
Thank you very much for the question about your size. I'm sure there are a lot of people out there who feel the same way you do and are glad you asked this question. As youve probably noticed, every person has qualities that make him or her unique. Sometimes those qualities are visible (like hair color, or weight, or skin color), and sometimes they're invisible (like religion or generosity). These differences between people should be celebrated.

I know you're feeling different because you're not growing as quickly as some of the others in your class. Although being small makes you feel unhappy and worried, the largest person in your class would probably be glad to trade places with you! It may also help you to remember that even though you feel like you're not growing like "all the other kids," you probably ARE growing emotionally, intelligently, or spiritually faster than most of them. It's just a little harder to see those qualities. But like you probably already guessed by now, it's what's on the inside that counts. If your parents are concerned about your growth or you still aren't feeling better about this, consider asking one of them to make an appointment to see your pediatrician.

Back