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Being a dog means I have seven brothers and sisters! And all with the same birthday! Yup, you heard right—I'm an octuplet! (Okay, one of you didn't hear right. I am not an "octopus." If a rumor starts spreading on the Internet that "Ruff Ruffman's an octopus," I'll never be able to shake it.)
Where was I? Oh right—seven siblings. Which means coming up with seven birthday presents. So let's see...
- Roscoe Ruffman. Roscoe is a sheep-herding dog. Or actually, he was. Now he herds ostriches. And the next time he visits, I'm not allowing those ostriches into the house like last time. Because that went badly. Anyway, I think I'll give Roscoe a special can of Ruff's Liver & Pineapple Biscuit Shake! I still have a few of those cans around...
- Sir Wagalot Ruffman. Waggy works as a kibble-tester for a popular dog food company. Hmm...Oh, I know! For a change of pace, he can test a can of Ruff's Liver & Pineapple Biscuit Shake! Perfect. Okay—moving on—
- Scrumdillyumptious Ruffman. The Scrumster always had ambitions to be a lap dog, but he just kept growing and growing. Now he's a floor dog. A can of the old L & P would make him happy...
And it looks like I'll have to finish this list later—phone's ringing off the hook—Reporters wanting to know if I'm really an octopus. I tell you, this Internet thing is tricky...
Always fascinating, always entertaining, always...
