Who's the most heroic hero of the American Revolutionary War? Well soon you can read all about him in my new best-selling book! And maybe even see him featured in an action-packed movie! Starring Me!

But first I have to write my big best-selling book:

Dog of Freedom!: The Story of Fluffers!: John Hancock's Secret Spy Dog!: A True Story!

(Hmm, a title with four exclamation points—that's the mark of a classy book…)

So who's Fluffers? He's the dog I played when I was a Revolutionary War Re-enactor a few years back. Lots of people don't even know that John Hancock (first man to sign the Declaration of Independence) had a dog. But in my research I found this diary entry, made by a British General in 1773—

"Had breakfast today at John Hancock's residence. I do love Hancock's bacon and eggs. However, when my back was turned, Hancock's dog ate all my bacon. Grrrrr, how I hate that bacon-stealing dog, Fluffers."

If Fluffers could steal a British General's breakfast in 1773, surely he could have stolen secret documents from the Redcoats in 1777. What secret documents? None other than the recipe for Formula X!

Yes! With Formula X, the British were going to create an Army of Giant Mutant Squashes to defeat George Washington's Army, knowing that George Washington was allergic to squash. And the British almost got away with it.

Surrounded by Redcoats who knew Fluffers had stolen the Formula, Fluffers was forced to use his untested Time Machine and—ZZZZZZAPPP!, John Hancock's dog was suddenly transported to Boston five hundred years in the future!

And then his Time Machine exploded! He had no choice but to steal a nearby PQEM (Personal Quantum Energy Module) and track down Professor Moriarty in the Alpha Centauri Galaxy and hope the Mutant Squashes back in 1777 didn't, uh…

…okay, so maybe I made up a little bit of the research. I still think it would make a terrific movie.

Always fascinating, always entertaining, always…