Okay, so there's this poodle who lives next door. Her name is Charlene. Or waitaminute, let me try that again. Let me hire some harpists...and the Vienna Boys Choir...some expensive fireworks...Okay I think I'm ready.

"Her name is...Charlene."

And no, I do not have a crush on her. It's not my fault she's the most incredible wonderful dog in the history of dogs. Or, at least, poodles.

I haven't had the easiest time getting her to fall under the spell of the Ruffman. Luckily, I got a great idea last week. I've convinced the local diner to offer a Kids "Joy Joy" Meal featuring special Fetch-themed products!

With every Joy Joy Meal, you get a fun and exciting Fetch Paper Towel Dispenser. And that's not all! You also get an official Ruff Ruffman pickle spear. It's a pickle that looks like me. A little. And that's not all! Or, uh, actually, no, apparently that is all. Hmm. No Ruffman Action Figure? Guess not. Okay. Fine.

Anyway, I snagged a few of the Joy Joy meals and I sent one to Charlene in a large box. And boy was she impressed! With the box. It was large. She wasn't impressed with the Joy Joy meal. Apparently, she's never heard of FETCH. She doesn't even have a TV.

So, yes, getting Charlene to see me as someone other than "that orange dog next door who just sent me a paper towel dispenser" will require more thought.

Always fascinating, always entertaining, always...